Sometimes when we think we are keeping a secret, that secret is actually keeping us
Disillusionment is not a bad thing. Disillusionment is, literally, the loss of an illusion - about ourselves, about the world, about God - and while it is almost always a painful thing, it is never a bad thing, to lose the lies we have mistaken for truth. Disillusioned, we find out that God does not conform to our expectations. We find out what is not true, and we are set free to seek what is - if we dare.
Every letdown becomes a lesson, and a lure. Did God fail to come when I rubbed the lantern? Then perhaps God is not a genie. Did God fail to punish my enemies? Then perhaps God is not a cop. Did God fail to make everything run smoothly? Then perhaps God is not a mechanic. Who then is God?
My disappointments draw me deeper into the mystery of God's being and doing. Every time God declines to meet my expectations, another of my idols is exposed. Another curtain is drawn back so I can see what I have propped up in God's place.
No, that is not God. Who then is God? It is the question of a lifetime, and the answers are never big enough or finished. Pushing back curtain after curtain, it becomes clear that the failure is not God's but my own, for having such a poor and stingy imagination.
Barbara Brown Taylor, Faith Reflections Becksie's blog